It’s been quite a year for us all, hasn’t it? On the one hand, I can’t believe that next week is Thanksgiving, and on the other, I can’t believe that it’s only November – 2020 seems interminably long, harsh and unforgiving.
I know (especially this time of year) I should be focused on everything that I’m grateful for, but as the days, weeks, and months drag on, I can’t help but mourn what I’ve lost – a good-paying job, interaction with people
I love, the ability to travel freely, and sometimes…hope. I wish I could say that my faith has been unwavering, that this situation has made me stronger, but the truth is that it’s made me anxious, nervous, and stressed out. I don’t get nearly enough sleep, and I cry far too often. I think about everything that’s happened in the last eight months, and everything that hasn’t, and I can’t help but get lost in what might have been.
I’ve been so wrapped up in these thoughts that I haven’t spent much time trying to be mindful, which is ironic, really, because it’s without a doubt what I need the most right now. Surely I could stop binge watching Netflix for five minutes to quiet myself and get back in touch with the guidance and wisdom I so desperately need. Surely I could. But I don’t. So I settle in and watch Emily and her adventures in Paris, gleefully listen to Paul and Prue’s savage baking critiques, and wait impatiently for season four of The Crown.
And yet…a part of me knows that no amount of Netflix (or Amazon Prime or Hulu, for that matter) will ever calm my nerves or soothe my worries in the ways that I need. Outward distraction isn’t the answer; it has never been the answer for me. The only thing that works is internal focus – that is what brings me clarity and a sense of peace when nothing else can. But even that feels foreign to me right now. It’s uncomfortable to try and sit in stillness and clear my mind. That voice doesn’t come to me as easily as it used to, no matter how desperately I want to hear it or how hard I try.
So lately I’ve been trying something that I used to use all the time. It’s really quite simple. There’s just one question that you need to ask genuinely, wholeheartedly, to get the conversation started. This one question has always given me what I needed when I needed it; it has never failed me. Wondering what it is? The question is this:
What do you want me to know?
Like some of the other exercises I’ve mentioned, the process is the same:
v Grab a pen and paper and try to find some quiet space free of distractions.
v Remind yourself that what you write should come from a place of love, kindness, empathy and understanding.
v Ask, "What do you want me to know?" and then write “I want you to know that…” and keep writing.
v Try not to think too hard about the words and just let them flow. At the beginning, it may just feel like it is you writing, but at some point it may feel like someone besides you is guiding your pen, writing the words.
v Keep writing. Don’t stop to read what you’ve written until you have nothing left to write.
Here’s how it turned out for me:
I want you to know that it is not too late. This may feel like the end, but it really is just the beginning. Never stop believing in and hoping for the best. Never stop believing that you deserve the desires of your heart. Never stop believing in yourself or in My ability to make things happen for you. Know that I am working in your favor, even when you can see no progress, even when it feels like nothing is changing. Remember – the tiniest of things can add up to something big. How many grains of sand make up the beach? How many drops of water make up the ocean? How many stars make up the galaxy? Keep believing that big things are coming your way, that all the little steps and even the setbacks will result in something miraculous and lovely.
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