On Being Yourself, Part 2 - An Exercise in Remembering Who You Are

“Who are you?” How many times have you stared at your reflection in the mirror and wondered just that? It’s disheartening, isn’t it, to realize that you don’t look the way you want to look or don’t feel the way you want to feel? To not recognize who’s staring back at you? To be honest, sometimes I feel like just an empty shell of the person I was meant to be, the person I’d hoped to be.

How easy it is to allow ourselves to be defined by the opinions of others, to be swayed by the “values” that society deems important and to lose touch with our true selves. To believe that what we’ve done or haven’t done, what we have or don’t have makes us who we are. We spend every minute – every second – of every day with ourselves, and yet sometimes we’re the ones who know ourselves the least. Sound familiar? Is it possible that you’ve lost touch with who you really are?

If so, I encourage you to try this, a simple yet powerful exercise to help you remember what makes you so special:

A Letter to You…from You

• Grab a pen and paper and find some quiet space free of distractions where you can sit and write, uninterrupted.

• Begin by thinking about how you would word a letter to a close family member, dear friend or struggling child in need of encouragement and understanding. Think about how you would focus on their strengths, their endearing qualities, and the many reasons why you love and admire them.

• With that same compassionate and thoughtful mindset, write yourself a letter. Begin with Dear <Your Name> or any other loving salutation that you’d like.

• If you have trouble knowing what to say, think about what you long to hear the most – praise, love, maybe affirmation of a job well done, or reassurance that the difficult decision that you made was the right one.

• Once you’ve started writing, try not to think about the words and just let them flow. At some point, it may even feel like someone besides you is guiding the pen, writing the words. Keep writing. Don’t stop to read what you’ve written until you have nothing left to say.

I hope, as I was, that you will be pleasantly surprised and powerfully moved by the loving truth in your letter.

In case you need some inspiration, the full version of mine is below.

Dear, Sweet Girl,

You are far more amazing than you give yourself credit for, but for some reason you’ve chosen to focus on what you think is wrong with you rather than all that is right. Even when you do reluctantly acknowledge your gifts and strengths, you are only willing to recognize a fraction of the untapped potential that lies within you. Don’t let the idea of being awesome and powerful scare you. Don’t feel the need to make excuses for how you are or to downplay yourself to others – we are all unique and marvelous in our own right, and that means you too.

Your life may not be turning out as you wish, but really, whose life ever goes as planned? So what if you don’t have lots of money in the bank? You are wealthy in so many other ways – you have close friends and family that love you, coworkers that respect you, strangers that admire you from afar. You are healthy enough to walk the dog, breathe the air, hear the chirping of the birds, witness the sunset, feel the grains of sand under your feet. It all may seem irrelevant in comparison to what’s on your bucket list, but don’t take it for granted, for this is what makes up a real and blessed life.

So what if you have 20 pounds to lose and the crow’s feet and cellulite are creeping in? Remember that beauty is not just about what is visible on the outside. It is so much better defined by what is on the inside. Not readily seen by the naked eye, it needs to be felt by the heart. Your capacity for compassion and empathy, your quiet strength, your faith in yourself and in Me, your loyalty to your friends, your ability to believe the best about people, your need to always root for the underdog – that kind of authentic, awe-inspiring beauty can’t be bought, and it can’t be faked.

Put aside what society has told you, what you have told you. Be proud of your strengths and your gifts. Know without a doubt that everything that you’ve been through has prepared you for what you are going through now and will face in the future. You are strong. You are brave. You are valuable. You are something to be celebrated. Stand up and acknowledge it. Own the glorious, magnificent being that is you.